The internet has all sorts of strange things to find when you plumb the depths. We decided to go on a hunt to find some really WEIRD dog laws. Check out some of the ones we found! You can’t make this stuff up…well you could–but we didn’t have to! Enjoy!
– So I was on the internet, and I found some crazy dog laws, wanna hear them?
– Yeah, I wanna hear them.
– Okay. Number one: You cannot tie your dog to the top of a car in Anchorage, Alaska.
– Now what kind of moron in Anchorage, Alaska is tying a dog to the roof of their car?
– I guess if you don’t have room, if your mother-in-law’s on the inside, or?
– That should be a rule in every state!
-It’s probably an old law.
– Who ties people to the roof of their car?
– Who ties dogs to the roof of their car?
– Alaskans. You ready for this? Number two, in Little Rock, Arkansas, dogs are not allowed to bark after 6:00 p.m.
– That is like saying that we can’t talk after 6:00 p.m. That’s the stupidest rule I’ve ever heard of.
– I think that it’s a good law.
– How do you control a dog from barking after 6:00 p.m.?
– I’m not sure, but I mean, that’s —
– Does an alarm go off and you’re like, hey dude, shh!
– That’s prime time starting around about then. And you don’t want a dog barking.
– What do you put on, like what’s gonna put a dog to sleep? From 6:00 p.m. on, for all dogs?
– Just shush them.
– It’sjust shush them.
– Quiet, get some popcorn.
– Shh! Dog, shh!
– Come on, Judge Judy’s on. Rover! Number three, in International Falls, Minnesota, cats are not allowed to chase dogs up telephone polls.
-wait, do you know any dogs that can climb telephone polls?
– I don’t.
– So why is that even a rule?
– I don’t know, I don’t know any cats that chase dogs, either.
– Oh my gosh, that’s true, that’s true.
– So maybe they came up with this law–
– I think it was a dyslexic that came up with this law and really they meant, dogs can’t chase cats up telephone polls.
– No, it would be gods can’t chase tacks up polls. I think they came up with this law to protect dogs self-esteem, because if you’re a dog getting chased up a telephone poll by a cat…
– You should be on dog shaming.
– Yeah, your dog buddies are gonna be like, dude.
– Dude, bad idea.
– In other cheese states, in Madison Wisconsin, dogs are not allowed to worry squirrels in public parks, next to the capital.
– Oh, poor squirrels, they have so much anxiety! I mean, they’re sitting in the park and all the sudden they’re like, Mom, this dog is worrying me!
– Again, I think it’s a functional law.
– How do you even know when that’s happening?
– There are state representatives and senators in session, trying to work, and they cannot pass laws with worried squirrels outside.
– I mean, what are the appeasement signals of a squirrel? Like, do their tiny ears go back?
– Fluffy tail, they look more like a rat and less like a squirrel, I don’t know.
– I’ve never seen a fluffy tail tucked, I don’t even know what that would look like.
– I don’t know, who’s enforcing this law?
– Stupid rule.
– Number five, dogs are not allowed to molest cars, in Fort Collins, Kentucky.
– What does it mean to molest a car? Are they talking about peeing on cars? Are they talking about humping cars? What is happening in this place?
– I think they’re talking about, it’s probably chasing cars, but like in my head, it’s like, I see this…
– Did some guy from the 50’s write this law?
– I don’t know, I just see some cheesy guy, or sleazy guy, or dog, sleazy dog, like hey Buick, what’s shaking? Nice headlights. In Oklahoma, people who make ugly faces at dogs may be subject to fine or jail.
– I wanna know which city in Oklahoma has enough cops that they time to be looking at people’s faces and I don’t think so. I didn’t like that face you made to that dog. So you’re going down.
– There might be just a lot of ugly people in Oklahoma. That I could see a cop start to write a ticket,
– Ugly is subjective! and they’re like, oh, I’m sorry. You’re just that ugly, that’s your face.
– Oh, I’m sorry, that’s just the way you look.
– But again, where did this come from?
– Who’s got the kind of time to do this? I don’t even understand, I just…
– Or being sitting there in the cell, and the guy’s like, what are you in for? Murder, what are you in for?
– I looked at a dog wrong.
– I made this face… at a dog Number seven, in Oklahoma, again. Dogs must have a signed permit, signed by the mayor, in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Two’s a crowd.
– So, my question is this. How does the dog get the permit, and then bring it to the mayor?
– I think it’s a typo, I think they’re asking the people to say, hey we’re gonna have a dog party, so let’s go find the mayor.
– So if I have a party in my own backyard, and my friends bring their dogs, if there’s more than two other dogs, besides my dog, then I need a permit?
– Yeah, it has to be signed by the mayor.
– Does the collar have a little place for the permit to go? How do they keep the permit on them at all times?
– It has to be posted, probably on the front tree, or probably on fire hydrants so all the dogs that come in can see it. They’re all gonna see it. Number eight, in Galesburg, Illinois, no person may keep a smelly dog.
– Hang on a second, because all dogs are smelly at some point in their life, usually multiple times a week.
– Noodle comes home, steps in poo, what happens? Does he go to the shelter?
– You just can’t keep him.
– Where does he go? Who’s gonna keep him?
– I don’t know, who’s smelling dogs?
– Who’s smelling dogs for a living? Is this animal control doing this? Is it the police people?
– Is it dog breath, dog butts, dog coats?
-There’s so many stinky parts to a dog.
– It seems like there should be a law about no smelling of dogs.
– And if you’re getting close enough to smell a dog.
– Yeah, that’s what I’m saying, people–
– Something’s wrong with you, that’s all I’m saying.
– Or people are gonna get bit, there should be a law that says, don’t smell dogs, because of a bunch of people have been bit.
– Yeah, I mean I just wanna know how this law came to be.
– Probably some stinky dogs! Finally, in Chicago, Illinois, it’s illegal to give a dog whiskey.
– Come on, Chicago.
– First of all, don’t ever give any dog any alcohol.
– It’s very dangerous for them, alcohol.
– You shouldn’t be feeding a dog alcohol, ever. You brother’s on Facebook, trying to feed bud light to your puppy, bad idea.
– But back to being —
– But does there need to be a law about it? Isn’t it just common sense?
– So the weird thing about all these laws is like something happened, where somebody was like, we need to make a law! Just stop feeding the dog whiskey!
– I can think of a whole bunch more laws before I would do these.
– This probably came from a dog, had too much whiskey,
– And got drunk.
– St. Patrick’s day, maybe.
– Behind the wheel.
– There’s a lot of Irish shutters up there. Maybe he hooked up with a cat or something.
– No, another dog, maybe made a mutt puppy, or two. That’s still a bad idea, don’t give dogs alcohol, ya’ll. Please don’t.
– What’s the equivalent of DWI for a dog?
-I don’t know.
– Dog While Intoxicated?
– Running While In– I don’t know, it’s dangerous to give a dog alcohol.
– No, yeah, I know, seriously.
– We shouldn’t be joking about that.
– But it is funny that it’s a law.
– It’s a stupid law. Come on, Chicago.
– Are laws just for stupid people?
– Nah, some of them are, these are.